Breaking The Cycle Of Trauma And Taking Back Your Power

The numbers are staggering, but the real story lives in your chest: trauma often teaches us to feel small, safe, and stuck. We take a clear-eyed look at how abuse and bullying can lock us into a victim mindset and then map a path to reclaim power without denying pain. I share personal experiences of turning a perceived limitation into fuel, including how I used simple tools and consistent practice to overcome language insecurity and keep building this show.

Together we unpack the quiet mechanics of change. It starts with responsibility that doesn’t blame you for what happened; it equips you to choose what happens next. You’ll learn eight practical shifts to move from victim to creator: own your inner world, upgrade your questions, separate identity from the past, take small daily actions, spot automatic thoughts, focus on controllables, rewrite your story, and accept that healing and progress happen at the same time. We talk about why inner peace is the first success, how quick external fixes backfire, and how steady habits rebuild confidence and momentum.

This is a grounded, compassionate guide for anyone ready to stop waiting and start building. Expect simple language, actionable ideas, and an honest invitation to choose one step today—journal for five minutes, set a boundary, or replace a complaint with a better question. Your story isn’t fixed, and your future doesn’t belong to the past. If this message resonates, subscribe, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help more people find the tools to take their power back. What’s the one small action you will take today?

Chapters

• 0:00 The Scale Of Abuse And Its Impact
• 1:43 Defining Abuse And Framing The Goal
• 3:26 Trauma, Bullying, And Personal Story
• 4:35 From Pain To Purpose: Success As Processing
• 5:21 When Trauma Fuels Victim Mentality
• 6:24 Inner Peace Before External Goals
• 7:21 The Cost Of Avoidance And Blame
• 8:41 Two Paths: Radical Ownership Or Ask For Help
• 9:31 Language Barriers, Tools, And Self-Limits
• 11:39 Responsibility And Agency Over Actions
• 15:55 Eight Shifts From Victim To Creator
• 19:12 Slowing Down To Integrate The Lessons
• 22:16 Reclaiming Power Without Erasing The Past
• 25:19 Recap Of The Eight Practices

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Did you know that? On average, guys, 24 people per minute in the United States become victims of rape, physical violence, stalking by an intimate partner, and this adds up to more than 12 million women and men over the course of a single year, right? And when we consider the rest of the world, we're talking about hundreds, hundreds of millions of people who have dealt with such stories, unfortunately. See, many of us, many of us have experienced some form of abuse, okay, whether through bullying, family matters, abandonment, psychological manipulation. But what is the definition of abuse at the end of the story? There are different ways to explain this, but generally, the definition of abuse is the mishandling of something in a way that is harmful or morally wrong. Okay. So the question in this episode is not whether you have been abused, rather, it is about how you can overcome the feelings of darkness and oppression that live within you. So, how can you move past these experiences to reach your goals? Right? Reach your goals, uh, reach your dreams, and uh overall your true purpose rather than uh living in a victim mentality. Of course, we don't know yet, but that's what we're gonna talk about today. Hi guys, my name is Fabio from Journey to Success and Welcome. Today we introduce the concept of the victim mentality and uh its impact on personal growth and success. Alright, and we're gonna discuss also how it can slow progress, how it can slow relationships and overall happiness. And I like the importance of change, but before we go forward, as always, please subscribe. Alright, so I know this is the right direction to lead you guys, to drive you, to guide you towards your journey to success. And let's get started, right? As always. So let's start from the beginning. First of all, when you experience abuse, it can lead to the development of trauma, alright? Any type of trauma. And the trauma itself can lead to severe conditions, all right? From my own experience, I can say that something harmful happened to me in the past. And one of the sad experiences I I had, for example, one of one of them was uh the victim of bullying, which can uh lead to trauma generally. Okay. In my case, why can lead to trauma? Uh, for example, sometimes I find myself thinking about how I would handle similar situations differently than now. You know, I don't do this anymore because I I went through, but I did for a long time in my brain. And but what I'm thinking right now, actually, is more about how, when I have a child one day, how we'll make sure that my child do not have to go through what I went through, you know, talking about talking about bullying situations. But something interesting about myself is that have uh interesting about myself and of course interesting about towards all the people who go through their past traumas, is that have chosen to shift my trauma, right? So not to see myself as a victim, but to learn from my past experiences. Okay. So for example, in this case, I decided to start a podcast to help as many people as I can through my journey. And this reminds me also of Louis Hose, you know, from the School of Greatness, who was sexually abused and is now one of the best podcasters in his field, in my opinion, of course. So, what are the reasons behind this? Why do people seek to reach a point where success becomes part of overcoming their trauma? Success can be a significant aspect of overcoming trauma because processing it can lead to resilience, guys, can lead to self-awareness, all right? And of course can lead to a new sense of purpose. But what happens when you cannot process your trauma? What happens when you feel that you are not enough for the world or the people around you? In those cases, trauma can lead to a victim mentality and self-sabotage as a way to manage feelings of helplessness and fear of future harm. Okay? And this behavior can be seen as a protective response, but of course, it is not the answer to anything you want to achieve your life, right? And consequently, this can hinder personal growth and success. So this can slow personal growth and success. And I know someone with a victim mentality also, I know people with a victim mentality, and from what I can see, they want to change. Of course they do. But if they don't take seriously the fact that they are still swimming in their trauma, all right, or that this trauma has led to some severe conditions, then it's hard to change. It's hard to make progress. Without an inner knowledge of their trauma and how to go through, it will be difficult for them to build healthy relationships, guys. Okay, it will be difficult to advance in their job and career. It will be difficult to find happiness and overall achieve success in their life, right? So living with mental, physical, and spiritual serenity is the first and greatest success you can achieve. If you cannot achieve inner peace, how can you expect to achieve secondary goals like financial freedom, wealth abundance, starting a family? It is essential to address your personal issues before pursuing these goals, alright? And this is the first concept I want you to understand. I see so many people try to find a solution by adding more meat to the fire to solve their problems, like making a child try to fix a relationship, for example. Believing that having a child will solve their issues, right? Only to find themselves feeling more broken than before. But also many people seek wealth, right? They want wealth, they want money, thinking it will alleviate their frustrations, or achieving your family wishes to feel a sense of completeness because of that, you think you are going to make them happy. It is like using a plaster on a deep injury without cleaning or taking the proper medications, guys. Because of unresolved trauma, you may develop a victim mentality. You may lead you to blame others for your wrong actions based on your past traumatic experiences. Okay, you have to understand that. So at the end of the day, you will find yourself victimizing yourself because you'll get trapped in a cycle that's hard to break. This happens because you don't want to confront the truth, right? The truth is that you have to address past trauma first. If you delay this process, you may develop a condition that requires you to acknowledge the need for help, all right? It is essential to understand the origins of your trauma before reaching whatever you want to get in your life, whatever you want to achieve in your life. So, how can you escape your victim mentality? You can do it on your own way, of course, if your mindset is strong enough to accept that not everything that happens around you is driven by other people, but more as a result of the choices you make, which leads to certain reactions, certain reactions based on your actions. And if you cannot acknowledge this, you won't be able to achieve success, alright? Or the other alternative, acknowledging that there is something wrong with this pattern, alright, that you cannot handle on your own, and you need to ask for help. For over a decade, I dedicated myself to understanding what I truly wanted to do with my life, all right. And only now, after about 13 years around, I'm beginning to see the first results of my effort. Now, I'm not saying I have not been weak or that I have not sometimes blamed external factors for the 13 years it took me to reach my desired goal, all right. But if I had persisted in blaming external factors for slowing my progress, I wouldn't be here talking to you today. You wouldn't listen to me right now. So the moment you think your progress depends on others is the moment you stop progressing. Okay, you have to remember that. It's the moment when, in my case, personal example, I can no longer find solutions to ensure that even though I'm a native Italian speaker, I can rise and express myself as I want. Helping myself with any tool in my package, like Google, grammarly, you know, AI, these resources help me articulate my thoughts more clearly, helping me to guide you better towards your success. Okay. If I had told myself guys years ago that I am Italian and that my grammar is not as good as the native English speaker, that's a fact, that my accent is uh weird compared to other English speakers, all right? I would have set a limitation. A limitation that would make me stop continuing with this path. So such a mindset can slow your progress. Can slow your progress, so potentially slowing down your progress or even blocking it entirely. And of course, this way of thinking is not the solution, right? The reality, guys, is that the moment you start thinking about your limitations, it is the moment you should be focusing more on yourself first, especially your self-esteem. Yes, of course, many factors can slow down or even block your progress, alright? But you cannot always blame others. The truth is that if you persevere, you can find solutions, you know, to speed up again or overcome the obstacles that previously stopped you. It's crucial to recognize that you have control over your actions, guys. Alright, so I mean, can you imagine what a sad life it would be if we believed we didn't have control over what we do? This is the sense of a victim mentality, alright? And uh I hope this example clarifies that for you. So people with uh I had to drink some water, guys. I my throat is not that good today. But anyway, people with victim mentality often blame others and believe without noticing that you know their parents, relationships, friends, and so on have set untouchable limits in their brain, creating uh mental barriers that cannot be removed. But if you always blame others for your trauma, okay, focusing on the reactions of the people, the perceived limitation that the people impose on you, you may come to believe that you are not responsible for your own actions. And without holding yourself accountable, the question is how can you expect to grow and improve? That's the question here. Okay. Now, what are the main insights or turning points that empower individuals to shift from a victim mindset to a creator mindset, right? A mindset that is willing to reach success, any type of success. First, take responsibility for your inner world. Take responsibility for your inner world, take responsibility for your reactions, the reactions from the people, your actions, your habits, your choices. This is where personal power begins, all right? Number two, change the question you ask yourself. So victim usually make questions like, Why is this happening to me? The creator question is more like, What can I do with this? So one question keeps you stuck, the other question moves you forward. Okay. Number three, separate your identity from your past. You are not what happened, all right? You are what you choose to become next, okay? So this mindset shift frees you from repeating uh old patterns. Number four, take one small action consistently. Healing guys is not a big jump, all right? It's a why it's about one decision repeated every day. Journaling, learning, setting boundaries, working on your goals, speaking kindly to yourself. Small steps build momentum. Remember that. Number five, build awareness of your thoughts. The victim mindset is automatic, all right. Creator mindset is intentional. Start noticing thoughts like I can't, like it's too late, like they are stopping me. These are signals, alright? They're not truth. Number six, focus on what you can control. Focus on your effort, your mindset, your habits, your energy, your environment. Everything else is noise, alright. Number seven, rewrite the story you tell yourself. Victims waits, guys, waits for an opportunity that they'll never come. Creator builds, creators builds. So change your inner narrative and your external world begins to shift, okay? Number eight, the last one. Accept that healing and progress happen at the same time. You know, you don't need to be fully healed to start creating, alright? You only need uh willingness because remember, action builds clarity and clarity builds confidence, alright? But you need to start first. So before we wrap up, alright, I want to slow things down for a moment. What do we say today? What did we talk about today? We talk about heavy things, real things, personal things, but overall powerful things, alright, that are all powerful things. So let's take a break together. Let's breathe together, and let's sit with what we have uncovered. Because today, guys, wasn't just an episode only about trauma, it wasn't not even about only victim mentality or only about success. Today was is still an episode to make you understand that there is a there is a moment in your life where you hear a voice that says enough, all right? Enough, enough repeating all the old partners, enough letting past experience decide your future, decides for you, enough giving your power away, okay. That moment, that turning point, is where transformation begins, okay? So you need to hear that voice. And I want to walk through this slowly and deeply so you really understand that. When you grow up with trauma, or when life hits you in ways you didn't expect, let's say in this way, the victim mindset becomes a kind of protection. It feels safe to blame, it feels safe to retreat, safe to say, this is happening to me, you know. I mean, very enough. It it makes sense, it's human, okay? We understand that. But staying there, like staying there keeps you small, guys. It keeps you in survival mode, it keeps you believing that your future is controlled by whatever hurts you are, okay? And that's where the creator mindset becomes fundamental for your journey. Not because it ignores the past, not because it underestimates the pain, but because it gives you your power back. So again, let's highlight slowly, clearly, deeply the eight points we covered today to overcome this uh destructive behavior that parasites your life. All right, right. Number one, again, taking responsibility for your inner world. This is not about blaming yourself for what happened, all right? Remember that. This is about reclaiming your ability to choose who you want to be today, your reactions, your habits, your decisions. This is where your the the your real power lives, you know. Number two, changing the questions you ask yourself. The victim asks, why me? The creator asks what now. You know, one question keeps you frozen, the other one uh opens a new path. Number three, separating your identity from your past. This one is huge, guys, because you are not the trauma. You're not the trauma, you're not the bully, you're not the you're not the abandonment, you're not the failures or the mistakes. You are the person who walked through all of that. And this person is still here, strong, stronger as as never, still growing, still fighting for something better. Number four, taking small, meaningful actions consistently. People think growth is a significant development in their lives, right? But real growth is quiet, guys. We always say that. It's in the journaling you do at night, it is in the boundaries you set, it is in learning one new thing. It's about talking to yourself with kindness rather than judgment. These small actions build momentum. Momentum, of course, build change. Okay. Number five, becoming aware of your thoughts. Victim mindset is automatic, guys. It comes from fear and old bones. Creator mindset is intentional, it comes from awareness. So start noticing when your thoughts pull you into scarcity, doubt, or helplessness. Okay, those thoughts are not bad. They're just sinus, and you can choose whether to follow them. Number six, focusing on what you can control. You can't control the past, you you can't control other people, you can't control the world, but you can control your energy, you can control your environment, you can control your habits, your mindset. And focusing on these things turns your life from chaos into direction. Okay. Number seven, rewriting your internal story. Victims wait for the world to change, right? But creators build their world from the inside out. Your story is not fixed, guys. It is not. It's something you rewrite over and over again, every day, with your actions and your beliefs. And number eight, the last one. Accepting that healing and progress happen together, okay? You don't need to be fully healed to take action, you don't need to feel confident to begin. You didn't need to, you don't need everything to be perfect before you move forward. Okay, healing is not a finish line you cross, healing happens while you walk. Your clarity grows while you take steps, guys. Your confidence builds while you try, okay? And the shift from victim to creator is not one moment, of course. It takes time. It's a decision you make again and again. And every time you choose responsibility over blame, action over avoidance, awareness over autopilot, you become a little stronger, alright? A little wiser, a little more aligned with the life you want. Okay. I want you to remember something very important. You don't need to be perfect to start your journey to success, alright? You just need to be willing, you know, to be willing to make small actions, willing to question old beliefs, willing to be uncomfortable, willing to take responsibility, willing to start small, okay, and willing to believe that something better is possible for you. And I promise you, the moment you make that shift, guys, your entire life begins to open in ways you never, never imagine. This is how you rebuild yourself, this is how you you break the side the cycle, this is how you move from victim to creator, okay? And this is how you start writing the next chapter of your life with intention and purpose. You're not stuck, you are becoming always. And and and this was a little bit on the flow. I'm very proud of you, very proud of you for taking this step because I I also understand this can be an intense episode for uh for someone. And thank you. Thank thank you for being here today. Thank you for listening, thank you for reflecting, growing, and taking this step with me. Now I want to hear from you, as always. What is one moment in your life when uh you realized something had to change? What helped? Um, especially, what what helped you you shift? Even little, you know, from uh feeling powerless to taking your power back. Send me a message, share your story, or connect with me on Substack. I would truly love to know. And uh because you know your experience might be the reminder someone else needs today, and you can help that person. If you enjoyed today's episode, you know how important it is to subscribe, guys, so you never miss an update. But even more important is sharing this episode with someone who might be stuck in their own cycle, okay? Someone who could benefit from hearing uh that they're not alone and that change is possible for them. Thank you so much for being here on Journey to Success. Remember, together we grow stronger, guys. I'll see you in the next episode. Cheers.